Kindred Spirits
I met Karina around 3 years ago in a chronic illness support group. The group was online, instant messaging, voice and video calls. She had joined sometime after me, and quickly became one of the more active members. Gradually, I'd started to feel a pull towards her.
I knew I tended to be shy and withdrawn, and I wanted to speak to her more, but it wasn't easy for me. I surprised myself when only after around a month of her joining I decided to direct message her. I did it on a whim.
We realised we had a lot to talk about.
Several hours of vibrant discussion later, it could safely be considered a situation where two people had undeniably clicked together. Karina told me she was a freelance artist, cat and rat mum, and didn't leave the house for months on end due to a significant amount of time spent sleeping, nauseas, or vomiting, and the anxiety of it happening in public. She was 24, which was 2 years older than me. Despite her lack of a social life, I found through my own conversations with her, and observing the ones between her and others in the support group, that she absolutely adored conversation and had a talent for reviving even the most driest of deserts among them. On the other hand, I preferred not to speak so much. I'd always been a listener; stepping back and observing had always been what came most naturally to me in social situations.
After our first conversation we messaged almost every day. A few weeks later, we were messaging daily. It very quickly got to a point where I couldn't imagine not messaging with her for even just one day, and she'd said she felt like that too.
As well as having a lot in common, we also formed a close bond over both being ill. We both had neurological disorders that caused chronic pain and digestive problems, so our symptoms were similar. We'd become a huge source of support for each other, sharing information about our bodies that most people wouldn't even dream of speaking about with each other. We'd always only lifted each other up, never brought each other down. We'd made sacrifices for each other, like spending time together online rather than sleeping, spending time alone, or with others. We'd delayed chores and work so we could hang out online instead. Some things we loved to do with each other, other than speak to each other, was play games or watch movies together.
Nothing could ever have made me doubt or question that this person was my kindred spirit.
I'd been attracted to Karina's mind from the very first one-to-one conversation, finding her physically beautiful after seeing her pictures had been just a bonus. Despite that, we'd still spoken mostly platonically with a slight level of flirting. It was several months into our friendship when things took a more sensual turn. We started off blatantly flirting, then in a short space of time it escalated into regular full-blown sexting, masturbating together, and homemade porn to be shared with each other only. The frustrating thing was the screen and the ocean blocking our physical path to each other, it felt as if these two things dutifully conspired to stop us from experiencing each other's physical company and bodies.
Within the time of knowing each other there were a few periods where Karina and I found ourselves in brief relationships with people that ended up not working out, and after just gone 3 years we reached a point in our lives where we could finally see each other. Although we were both ill, out of the two of us treatment had been most successful for me, so I was most able to be active. I was studying to be a psychotherapist. I was much more busy than Karina and had tight schedules at times. On top of that, some days I was doing my best to sleep off symptoms during flare ups, but because I had got lucky with medication, I had days with less symptoms, and some periods of remission. Karina, on the other hand, denied having periods of remission, instead she had said that there were only days when her symptoms were more manageable than others. Treatment had been more complicated for her, and there was still a lot of erraticism and mystery surrounding her illness.
On the few weeks that I was able to be in Madrid, my symptoms were very mild, and I was more or less in a remission period. My university had broken up for the holidays and I was taking a few weeks out for this. I'd planned for it, and everything aligned exactly right for us. I could even believe it was luck, pure fortune on our part. Of course, I had plans to go sightseeing and touring as well, the Reina Sofia museum was the main spot I envisaged visiting with Karina.
*
I landed in Madrid, Spain at 22:30 PM CET. Feeling very tired, I dragged my body straight to my hotel. The first thing I did was connect to the internet and text Karina to let her know I'd landed and would be looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. Quite frankly though, simply saying I was looking forward to seeing her the next day was a huge understatement. After that, I brushed my teeth and undressed for bed. I fell asleep not long after my head hit the pillow.
I was ready to get up and out of bed the next day at just gone 11. Karina and I had planned it out carefully, I would have a slow-paced day spent doing a bit of light sightseeing and visiting some local eateries, then tonight she would get a cab to my hotel and we'd spend the night together. We had a few weeks to try to do as much as possible without our bodies getting in the way, and this was only the first night. Despite us both being nervous at the prospect of any of our symptoms sabotaging our plans, we were both incredibly excited to meet each other. I could hardly even think about relaxing or the events I had briefly planned out for that day.
I did everything as planned, and really found myself enjoying being in Madrid. I spoke a decent level of Spanish, but not fluently, so I also used the time to build some more language skills. Still, the highlight of my day would be tonight, and it wasn't something I could push to the back of my mind. My anticipation for it made the day seem like it was longer. I found myself wondering all kinds of things about her: the view of her face clearly with my eyes, her smell and the scents I would come to associate with her, the feeling of her body heat, and seeing her mannerisms in person—those kinds of things. I'd seen videos of her, but I knew that nothing could compare to the real thing.
And tonight, it would be real.
*
Karina
That morning, it'd been an effort not to masturbate after the very sensual dream I'd had. I hadn't touched myself for a few weeks now, and rarely did. My sex drive was high, and I could easily waste a day away masturbating, especially to numb out my illness symptoms. I'd learned it really paid off to do it only occasionally, because when I finally got round to doing it, I always found the sensations and emotions were much more heightened. Today, I wanted to be as sensitive as possible for when I was in the hotel room with Joseph.
I took the journal out that I kept under my mattress and wrote down the dream. I'd dreamt that I was a humanoid marine creature unlike any discovered in existence, and a masculine silhouette, a featureless shadow in the shape of a human, was swimming with me. We swam around playfully, no exchange of words, but I could tell he felt cheerful and amused. We kept swimming into each other, playfully, he went through my body and out to the other side of it. Each time we were at the point of being fully physically merged, I felt a warm tingling spread throughout my loins, and I knew he could feel it in his too. Awake, I realised that none of this was in line with the laws of physics and nature, but in the dream, it had made perfect sense.
I'd woken up before I could reach orgasm. Under the covers I opened my legs. Reaching down into my underwear, I slipped my fingers over my pussy lips, spreading my juices around. I moaned at the sensation; it was all I had not to slip my fingers inside. I resisted and brought my hand away.
I hadn't had sex for over a year, and the times I'd had it hadn't been the best of experiences either. It felt good, but I either felt too moody, too vulnerable, or too ill to relax and enjoy myself completely. I worried I'd have to stop or, worse, something would happen to my body during the act. When I thought of having sex with Joseph, I had a sense that no matter what happened everything would be okay. He always gave me a feeling of warmth, peace, trust, and genuine care. Despite being kept physically separate from each other by an ocean and a screen.
Many people would say that there's more important things in love than sex, and that the focus shouldn't be so much on lust and desire if someone wanted a meaningful connection.
What about lovemaking?
Sex didn't have to be all about primal behaviour and animalistic fucking. For me, the sexual connection I had with Joseph was extremely important, and it was important to me that we did have sex when we met, so that we could merge in all ways and seal our connection. I wanted so badly for Joseph to be inside me. I wanted us to make compassionate love, but I also wanted him to just fuck me. Sometimes, I masturbated thinking about us tenderly intertwined, his lips, hands and tongue exploring all the sensitive spots on my body; other times I'd thought about him tearing my clothes off, grabbing and squeezing my body, and driving his cock hard into me.
The morning after he'd landed, I woke up at 10 minutes past 3. Being up at such yawn-provokingly early times were such regular occurrences that they just didn't faze me anymore. I'd also been feeling nauseas, like every morning, so I waited until after 6am before eating breakfast, when my stomach started to settle. I had a small bowl of porridge with banana slices. I didn't plan on eating anything else until lunch.
For the rest of the day I didn't do anything I had to use much focus or energy on. I just played games on my laptop, had lunch around noon, then went for a long nap, getting up only once to have a pee. In the second part of my nap, I remembered a dream. I lay in bed trying to remember as many of the details as possible, like I do usually. Eventually, I worked out I'd dreamt that I was the sea creature again, this time I was sleeping at the bottom of the sea. In the dream, I'd woken up with an anchor pressing down on my scaly seafoam tail, pinning me to the seabed. Then, the silhouette came into view from above, swimming towards me. The form embraced me, and calm washed over me. I also wrote this dream down in the journal.
I'd also woken up with a sense of excitement and nervousness about what was gonna happen in the next few hours. The nervousness was not about being shy of Joseph or anything like that, I was confident I'd feel just as at ease with him in person as online. The nervousness was the fear of my body sabotaging the joy in my time spend with him.
Every moment I spent with him would be precious, and I had to savour as much of each moment as I could.
I got up from bed and started to get myself ready.
*
Joseph
It was coming up to half 8 in the evening, and I was sitting in the hotel on the edge of the bed in a pair of underwear, joggers, and a tee shirt. I'd had some random pains and aches on-and-off today, but not enough to get in the way of anything. No longer being so tired, I'd taken the time to inspect my environment in more detail. The bed was a large double, the sheets a crisp-white and neatly draped over the mattress. The walls were also white, and bare save for an abstract painting of neutral tones positioned neatly above the sleek headboard. The plush carpets were a spotless cream.
I wondered how the room would change some time after Karina became a part of it.
Phone in hand, and not sure what to do with myself while I waited, I unlocked the screen. The message was sent 3 minutes ago. I'd already read it but went over it again in keenness.
"I'll be there in 5 minutes."
I imagined it in her voice, soft and melodic. It was a voice that sent butterflies bouncing off the walls of my stomach, clenched in excitement.
Then, there was a cautious rap on the door. She was here.
Leaving my phone on the bed, I rose. I made my way to the door and opened it, and she was standing there looking like her but still better than any picture of her I'd ever seen. She wore tight jeans and a black off-the-shoulder shirt just short enough to show some of her cute belly. Her jacket was neatly draped over her left arm, having presumably removed it in the cab or on her way up here. She looked so radiant, regardless of how restricted her nutrition was and how ill she felt most days.
Still processing the reality of her being there in person, I pulled her into an embrace. It was the most natural thing to do, and it felt like an instinct. She was right here, the woman that could go from tormenting me on online shooter games in versus mode, to sending me voice notes in honeyed tones during my anxiety attacks. We were both slightly shaking, a mix of excitement and nerves. My arms tightened around her waist and back and my hands felt their way up her elegant shoulder blades. I took in her warmth, her smell—her shampoo, maybe—a light, fruity scent that immediately brought peaches and cream to mind. We stayed like that for what seemed like a long while, whispering words of greeting into each other's ears. 3 years of lengthy conversations online had led up to this moment. I stepped aside and she entered the room, we both went over to the end of the bed and I gestured for her to sit down with me.
"How are you?" I asked.
"I still haven't vomited, not even for a few weeks. I didn't eat much though, but I'm used to that of course. No big deal."
"Tomorrow is a new day."
"Exactly. ¿Y tú?"
"Muy bien," I said, gesturing to her.
She chuckled demurely, then rested her head on my shoulder. I still couldn't help but feel concerned about her. Sensing this, Karina looked at me again and gave me a gentle smile of reassurance.
"I'll be fine," she said.
"I know..."
*
Karina
Joseph sat beside me trying to conceal the worry in his body language, but the hint of concern in his warm, russet-brown eyes gave him away. I was then struck by the realisation that the man I'd wanted so badly for these 3 years, that seemed like an eternity, was sitting so close to me that I could feel his body heat and smell his light, earthy scent. The man that, many a night, I'd fallen asleep on webcam with after having stayed up half the night with him as I was forced away from sleep with sickness. The man that had taken valuable time out of his day to pep talk me out of moments of self-destruction.
He was right there, alive, and real, sitting beside me—it was almost ethereal.
It was then that my tender warmth for him started to mingle with another feeling, one accumulating in my loins. I just couldn't hold back any longer. Inching closer to him, I reached over and placed my hand onto his thigh. I started to feel the warm slickness of my juices begin to flow around my clothed opening. The longing was a pleasant burning warmth spreading all around my pussy and humming in the pit of my stomach.
As if telepathically communicating through our mutual desire, he leant in and kissed me softly on my neck. I couldn't help but gasp slightly and tilt my head to expose more of my neck to him. He planted a few more kisses, before taking the flesh into his mouth, sucking lightly, slipping his tongue over it. I squeezed my hand down, and he was at my face again, this time kissing me once with his soft, warm lips. They felt even better than I'd imagined.
Eager for more, I kissed him back. Following me in the most natural way, Joseph's desire and movements were in sync with my own. I nipped his upper lip, and he licked my bottom one in response. I gently worked my tongue into his mouth, taking in his sweet taste. He happily welcomed my tongue with his own; we caressed each other rhythmically in this way.
*
Joseph
The warm slickness of pre-cum was flowing around the clothed head of my cock. The yearning was a pleasant burning warmth spreading all around the area and humming in the pit of my loins and stomach. I found myself hardening at a rapid speed, and it felt like every cell of my blood was propelling the liquid to my phallic flesh.
I started to feel myself getting a bit giddy. I pulled away for a moment to take in her pecan-brown skin, the feline-like shape of her eyes, and the cute cluster of freckles around her nose. She was all in high definition and enticing beyond words. Her hazel eyes captured me; a syrupy brown surrounded by fern green. She looked so soft and warm, and the desire to feel her skin as close as possible against mine was at the most intense it had ever been.
Mindfully, I reached for her thighs and ran my hands over her denim-clad round hips. Both of us being dressed felt so wrong, our skin needed to be touching, especially now that Karina had moved her hand onto the most sensitive part of me. She began to stroke the head, and I imagined what was going on between her thighs, how she was becoming increasingly slicker as she felt the spongey flesh engorging and hardening at her touch. I pressed my fingers where her clit was over her jeans, evidently finding the right place as she gasped into my mouth and I took her warm, clean breath in there, once again reminded that she was breathing.
Alive and real.
Arm around her waist, I pulled her closer into the kiss. Her back arched and my other hand snaked up under her top, cupping her breast. She let out a moan that sounded like it was partly in longing and arousal, and partly in frustration at the bra that was in the way of feeling my bare touch.
I stopped the kiss to remove her top and bra. She lifted her arms eagerly. I then removed my own tee shirt. She looked at me with a gaze that let me know how much she wanted her clothes off and my hands over every inch of her flesh, neglecting nothing.
I viewed the beautiful, humble display of her chest, areolas a deep pink with plum undertones, contrasting beautifully against her golden skin. I squeezed her breasts, then hungrily leant down and took a nipple into my mouth. A soft moan escaped her lips and her head fell back, pulling mine closer against her flesh, encouraging my mouth to envelop as much as possible.
It was like she wanted me to devour her.
Moving to give her other breast attention, I relished the feeling of her firm, eager nipples against my tongue, and the pressure of her hand on my cock. The mild pain in my body that I'd been experiencing that day faded out, slipping further into the background as I was soothed by pleasure.
Quite frankly, until that moment, I hadn't even realised I'd be able to feel pleasure of that scope. The sensations I'd grown most used to were discomfort and pain.
I wanted—no—I aimed to savour every moment.
I came back up to her face. Brown met hazel and lustful stares intermingled for a moment before our lips locked again.
Her hand that was working on my fully erect, leaking cock was now fumbling at the button and zipper of my jeans. She was using two hands now to undo everything quicker, while I was also undoing hers. She pulled away from the kiss and started working on my neck, immediately running her wet tongue against the sensitive skin, soaking it in her heat and wetness. It felt amazing.
She was moving lower, kissing my chest, caressing my belly. Realising where she was heading, I slipped down my jeans and kicked them off. When I reached for the waistband of my underwear, she paused and placed her hand over mine.
"Not these yet, baby."
My stomach fluttered at the term of endearment. In her voice, in the flesh and in that moment, it was perfect.
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